Furred fruit

Kiwi, what the hell?
You are a goddamned fruit, bitch.
Why do you have hair?

Programmers Lament

We let them do it!
They ruined our Internet!
We made it easy!

Divine Non Sequitur

God gives man reason.
God says, "Use not this great gift."
"You must just believe."

Lucky Children!

the last day of school
all summer to lounge about
play video games

is what my kids think
boy are they gonna be shocked
when I give them chores

like scrub the toilet
sand and stain the deck woodwork
reshingle the roof

On Childishness

I'm not childish.
Mom, Kim called me childish!
I'm telling on you.

They're Lucky They're Cute

Under my bare foot:
the hindquarters of a mouse.
Where'd they hide the head?

Allitera-shun

Alliteration
Avoid alliteration.
Always, any, all.

Thanks!

Thank you Japanese!
You make poetry easy!
Now I can sound smart!

Look on the bright side!
At least you have work to do.
Unemployment blows.

Working Hard?

Good lord, I'm so bored!
The day drags on forever.
Time to go home now?

I Still Love You, Haikublog!

so lame when we fail.
what happened here? we forgot!
more haiku this year.

Ode to the Road

Road guys, I love you!
Or do I really hate you?
Open the damn road!

Uppermost in my Mind Lately

HURRY, dividend!
I cannot wait to spend you,
and save a little.

I need to move out!
Also: buy a camera
because mine sucks ass.

Alaskan Christmas!
Thy name is dividend and
I want a wii too.

("It's for my kids," but
who am I kidding, really?
I will also play.)

Hurry, dividend!
And also, while I'm dreaming:
Target open soon!

IRC Bot Fun

I have me a bot
He forces me to play him
So sick and twisted

Cotton Swab

You feel good in me
I like to fluff up your head
Then throw you away

Another Preggo Reference

Listen up, bitches!
Haiku don't just write themselves.
Give birth to one now!

For Zap

The pregnant pauses.
"Just gas," she sighs wistfully.
"Maybe tomorrow?"

Tragedy!

It's been a month now
and none of us have haikued.*
We should be ashamed.



*Is there a past tense
for haiku? Haiku (no -ed)
doesn't fit the bill.

Inadvertent Haiku

Inspired by this, something a friend made: http://tinyurl.com/5cjcsc

I responded with this:

"I would love a vise; I'd love to make my own too"

Realizing I had inadvertently almost made I haiku, I followed up with:

"But I missed shop class"

Sometimes the best haikus are accidental.

Road Construction Love Song

Graders a' gradin'
and bulldozers bulldozerin'
make Jen a smooth road.

O, Construction Guy!
I haven't glimpsed you yet, but
in my mind you're hot.

Thank you for my road!
Only just begun, but still
I see the future.

Pothole free, I see,
And nearly two miles shorter.
Yay! for Stealthmobile.

O, Roadwork Crew Guy!
I want to bake you brownies
just to say Thank You.